It's early Monday morning, and I woke up with a need to create. So I am painting on a piece of fabric - it is a challenging but interesting medium. There will be a whole other post regarding this creating thing and what it led me to discover.

But I want to just say something. I am listening to Changes by Tupac Amaru Shakur. I remember when he died, my freshman year in high school. My best friend Arlela and I cried together when the news was released (I think we got it on wild 107.7 - previously the X, now 94.9). I almost remember the exact time he was pronounced dead: 4:15 or something.

Anyways, I am posting the lyrics to above mentioned song because Tupac was my hero growing up. Back when his songs were positive, hard to be confronted with, and inspirational. Dear Mama, Changes, Keep Ya Head Up. In "Changes", there is a line, "We ain't ready to see a black president". I listen to the song often, and that line in particular, makes me so sad and confused about our existence as a conscious species, that someone so talented and with so much potential and knowledge was destroyed before he could do more.

I just hope that somewhere Tupac Shakur is watching Barak Obama campaigning as the Democratic Nominee for President of the United States. And I even more fervently hope and pray that his words do not become true; we need this. We will still have racism in every form, and day to day oppression and social ills will still plague our society and our neighborhoods, but we need a black president. This will be a monumental win, and one that should have happened long ago, when all of the people who made statements and made impacts towards something like this happening, were killed before they could do their work, out of fear and ignorance. Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Tupac Shakur, JFK, Mahatma Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, Joan of Ark, Jesus Christ, and everyone else in the world who started to make things right, and for that were killed.

We need to each of us, every day, remind ourselves that while we may not be great leaders like the aforementioned, we MUST do everything we can throughout the course of our daily lives to change the plagues upon us as a people. Smile at people, instead of pretending not to see them. Say hello and make eye contact with the homeless, regardless of any response you receive. Visit your grandparents and the elderly people you love, if you are lucky enough to have them with you still. The elderly are the most ignored group of our society; where they should be respected and treasured for their lifetime of knowledge, feeling, and experience, we instead tune them out, put them in nursing homes so that we don't have to worry about having to help them, and at best, make perfunctory visits that are laden with thinly veiled condescension and dismissal.

Can you imagine being homeless? I doubt the not having a place to live is the hardest part. Who among us hasn't (and probably regularly) avoids and chance of eye contact or acknowledgement. I cannot begin to imagine how I would cope with life and day to day existence in a world full of people, almost every single one of which purposefully saw you, and refused to acknowledge you as a human being, or even your very existence.

I am not saying that we all need to go out and devote our lives to solving the infinite social ills we are ensconced in. But I AM SAYING, LOUDLY, that no human being alive on this planet has the right or validation to treat ANY PERSON with less than kindness and politeness. If your effort is mocked, or your empathy is taken advantage of, you should not care, or even consider it as an excuse to do less than your best. We are all flawed, and the only way to live our daily lives with dignity is to treat each other with kindness and faith. In our justice system, there is a reason that a person charged with a crime is considered "innocent until proven guilty". We need to stop excusing ourselves and pretending that our day to day mistreatment of others does not happen, by donating money to charities, or buying eco-friendly vehicles, and voting for respectable public officials to run our government. That behavior makes one an even worse human being than those who have no doubts about their racist, self-serving goals and ideals. At least they are being honest with who they are.

I wish I could make the world take just one full day (24 hours - less than half of a typical work week for most) to examine their beliefs and compare them to their actions. I guarantee you that there are only a very small number out there who would end that day satisfied with themselves.

So please, treat the people you see with respect. If you make eye contact randomly in passing on a street, don't look away quickly. Smile and say hello. If someone asks you for change, at least have the courtesy to look them in the eye and tell them if you don't have it, or don't want to part with it. And when you can, give them something. If you are going across the bridge and have ten dollars, every once in a while, pay for the person behind you. More importantly, don't congratulate yourself on doing so, and don't look for their car once you've passed the toll plaza, looking for their gratification. Giving is only truly generosity of spirit and heart when done without self-gratification or expectation of gratitude. If you expect to be congratulated (by yourself or by others) for demonstrations of human decency, then you should work harder at understanding the concept of basic human kindness.

I have on several occasions (at a gas station, etc.) said please and thank you, smiled and asked a person how they were, and seen a visible (and surprised) immediate happiness. On the other side of the equation, and we all do this from time to time, don't immediately become suspicious or aloof if someone treats you with kindness. Somehow, we have become so jaded and untrusting of our fellow human beings that we have actually trained ourselves to instinctively assume a negative, ulterior motive behind a stranger saying hello, or the person next to you at the bus stop striking up conversation. I am definitely guilty of this in certain circumstances; mainly when waiting in a public place or bar, and being approached by some guy. Even if it turns out that they do have an ulterior motive other than friendly conversation, at least give them the benefit of the doubt. Most of us are capable of deflecting a situation that ends up like that with tact and without resentment. And it is surprising how many times that happens, and you respond appropriately, and end up having an enjoyable conversation with a decent person.

There are always going to be pigs. Not everyone is a good person at heart, and if that turns out to be the case, they should be treated accordingly. But not by stooping to their level. Anger and retaliation ("an eye for an eye", "respond in kind") only hurt your quality of life and leave only shame rather than victorious gratification.

I don't know why I wrote/am writing this, but I know that it is one of the most important factors in how I judge myself as a person. I cry when I see desperation, when I am in San Francisco and see the homeless at stoplights, I cry. Really cry. If I can, I give money. When I have money but decide not to offer it, it plagues my conscience for the rest of my drive. I don't care if an obvious middle aged and drunk woman in the gas station asks me for $0.85 so she can have enough for a sandwich and then walks out with a 40 oz. Junkie, alcoholic, whatever. I am not perfect, and am not in a position to judge. I believe that even though I am being approached because a substance is ruling someone's existence, being nice and treating that person with respect makes them a little better.

One last thing before the "Changes" lyrics (I bet you thought I forgot about why I started this post in the first place; I did not). Life is life and it is full of surprises and changes and upheavals and you should firmly believe that there is a solid chance that by some random twist of fate, or an unforseen illness that leaves you with nothing, or a natural distaster like Hurricane Katrina, a debilitating addiction that crept up on you, or just poor financial decisions, you may one day be the person behind the cardboard sign. No matter how uncomfortable or painful or discouraging and disillusioning it is, always have a strong sense of empathy. Always take a moment to think about how you would feel in another's position. And then treat them the way you would want to be treated if you were them. I guess that's been said, but it is one of, if not the most, important thing in life. Treat every human being exactly as you would treat yourself, and think about how it makes you feel when someone says something or even just smiles at you. When it happens to me, my whole day is brightened, and I feel almost elated for a good time after.

It is admirable and important for people to take action against larger social and environmental problems, and work towards a greater social good, but you don't have to do that to make an impact in the world. If you treat other people with kindness and respect, always and every day, you will make a difference in thousands of people's lives. It might be for a brief moment, it might be the one thing that turns an otherwise terrible day into a good one, it might be the thing that saves a person from teetering off the brink of life. Or it might not even be noticed. But it is a way of life that every person alive should act in. People are people; and no one is better than another. Ever. This includes murderers and sociopaths and abusers. We all have the same special relationship and we are all evolved from the same path. And if there is a God, or Higher Power, or Just Something Else Out There, if we really have souls that transcend our physical presence, I am sure that we learned to be this way from them. Discriminate all you want, segregate and isolate yourself in trivial things such as worrying or even believing that your faith or code or whatever it is you believe in and live by is superior to all others. I can almost guarantee you that that higher power you put so much stock in might a) not be at all what you expected...

Funny idea: What if there is a higher power watching over us and is there to greet our souls when we leave this life? I don't understand why practically nobody considers the possibility that the big HP has a wicked sense of humor. I mean, look at us. If we have an appointed caretaker, they are OBVIOUSLY fucking with us some of the time, just for fun. I just thought about how funny it would be if the HP makes sure to greet the fundamentalist christians as Mohammad, or the Satanists as Jesus. I'm pretty sure that most religions would get that joke played on them, excepting most of the Eastern religions, who have been doing a consistently admirable job of not setting concrete expectations or arbitrary doctrine.

Anyways, I can also guarantee that if you do spend your life running around your whole life feeling superior to those who do not hold your beliefs, when you get out of here and meet good old HP, you're going to get yelled at. And if you are getting yelled at because of how certain your path was the only one, you're gonna feel pretty damn terrible by the time it's over. Even if there is a heaven or something, you won't be "in heaven" for a while. In fact, you'll probably spend a good long time realizing for the first time that you weren't a good person after all. And that will probably lead to another stretch of time where you realize that it's too late to do anything about it. Incidentally, that is one of the many reasons that I am a firm believer in some sort of reincarnation, if we really are equipped with souls that transcend the body. Just one of the many reasons. Another one is that after you have been on the planet long enough to meet a substantial amount of people, you can tell when you meet someone with an old soul, or someone who is just on their first or second go around.

To be perfectly honest, and because I have been sitting here pontificating for far too long, I actually f'irmly believe that I have lived many lives before, and am wiser than many people. This is something I have shared with very few people and I can't believe I'm publishing it on the internet...not like anyone reads this, but still, it is now out there. But, there is a catch to this. I have had this belief - almost a certainty that I am very old at heart and in my soul, for almost as long as I can remember becoming interested in spirituality, and even before that, I had an inkling that I was different from most other people. Except the thing is, when I was younger, like in high school and even college, I used this secret sense of superiority to get by without trying too hard to be a stellar human being, or work really hard (well, I worked really hard at Linguistics in college, and English and Art in high school, but only because I liked them - everything else, I fucked off). Now, over the past several years and lots of growing up, I now see that if I really do believe that I have lifetimes of wisdom under my belt, I have an obligation to do all I can with it. Everyone has one big challenge in life; I think mine is falling back on a possibly over-inflated ego to justify stagnant and unhelpful lifestyles.

Like how I once in a while would find myself looking at my co-workers and looking down on them for being satisfied with working a job just because it paid well, and finding fulfillment in shopping, getting married, having kids. I would look down my nose at them thinking, how can you be so stupid as to not even question your life, and why you define yourself through hollow pre-set parameters of happiness, accepting them and almost grateful to not have to figure out what happiness means on your own. Then I realized that I was living the same life as everyone else, which made me the worst person ever, because I knew there was something more and better, and I was too lazy to live my life accordingly; I instead just nurtured feelings of superiority to justify the uselessness that was my life. And in most respects, my life still is basically full of uselessness, to be honest. I am not preaching. I'm a conceited asshole, perfectly exemplified by this post. I could probably have done something far more productive that expound at ridiculous lengths on a blog that no one reads.

So I'm going to shower now and try to think of something good to do. Wait, I have it. Finish my painting. But before I go, here are the lyrics to Tupac Amaru Shakur's song, "Changes". I hope this November we ARE ready to see a black president.


[1]
Come on come on
I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living should I blast myself?
I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black
my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch
Cops give a damn about a negro
pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares
one less hungry mouth on the welfare
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers
give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other
It's time to fight back that's what Huey said
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead
I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other
We gotta start makin' changes
learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers
and that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]
Come on come on
That's just the way it is
Things'll never be the same
That's just the way it is
aww yeah
[Repeat]

[2]
I see no changes all I see is racist faces
misplaced hate makes disgrace to races
We under I wonder what it takes to make this
one better place, let's erase the wasted
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right
'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight
and only time we chill is when we kill each other
it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other
And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks
But some things will never change
try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game
Now tell me what's a mother to do
bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you
You gotta operate the easy way
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way
sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is

[Bridge]

[Talking:]
We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

[3]
And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace
It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East
Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs
so the police can bother me
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do
But now I'm back with the blacks givin' it back to you
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up,
crack you up and pimp slap you up
You gotta learn to hold ya own
they get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone
But tell the cops they can't touch this
I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this
That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool
my mama didn't raise no fool
And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped
& I never get to lay back
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs
some buck that I roughed up way back
comin' back after all these years
rat-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh